Come, Fire from heaven,
from the Holy of Holies–
consume my offering!

I move through the gate
and into treasured places.
More than ritual.

All that I can bring,
all that I have ever brought–
Yours from beginning.

Fire from heaven come–
May a pleasing aroma
rise while I’m consumed!

Then the Lord said to Moses, “I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day.” …

When the Isrealites saw it, they said to each other, “What is it?” For they did not know what it was.”

I think it’s very much like us today that Isreal did not recognize the provision God had given them. They had literally just come through a miraculous deliverance at the Red Sea, and already they were hungry, hot, and tired enough to question the wisdom of  ever even leaving Egypt.

So God sent manna. Literally, bread from heaven. And he told them specifically…gather enough for today. Eat of it for today. Do not hoard in the hope that you will gather today and eat of it for weeks to come. Specific instructions were given to provide both for the physical need (hunger) and the spiritual need (rest) on the Sabbath.

But the provision was there, and the gathering plan was explained. “Just enough for today. Any more will rot.”

I’ve read this story so many times, it’s hard to write about it.

But when I read through it *this* time, something was different. I did not relate it to my checkbook or my stomach, but my spirit. Suddenly, truly for the first time, I realized a few things–

My bread from heaven comes in the form of the Word of God. If I gather each day, the provision for that day is already made. If I try to gather more than I need for today, it is wasted on me. And by provision I mean the wisdom, strength, grace, mercy, f aith and guidance in whatever combination that I need to get through TODAY.

I think one of the coolest things about this particular “aha!” moment is that I see myself as one of the Isrealites. What *is* this? I didn’t recognize just how much God was doing in me over the past month or more. And maybe I still don’t see it clearly. Maybe this manna is a dim expression of what God will fulfill in my future (maybe? OF COURSE IT IS–there is, after all, a promised land).

But I see it now. I gather it now, just enough, just in time, just for today. And when I taste of it, I see that He is good. That this manna, this Word, this gift of God is life and light and all that is worthy of praise.

I cannot encourage you enough…gather your own bread today. Make a plan, discipline yourself, train your heart to thirst for it the way we do that first cup of coffee in the morning. Train your spirit to bite into the Word the way we dive into our favorite desserts. “A moment on the lips” can cause us to be forever changed.

Eirene,

Jen

1. I consider it a blessing that my son’s alarm clock is permanently “enabled” even in the “off” position…every morning it goes off and I think “poor kid-that’s horrible in the summer.” Then I spend the next couple of minutes thinking about him and him alone.  Kinda cool. Doubt he feels the same way, and I’m surprised he hasn’t just unplugged it yet.

2. I consider it a blessing when the people who love me are careful and devoted enough to bring up tough topics, sensitive stuff they (may or may not) know will make me think seriously about myself. I consider it a further blessing when God tenders my very human reaction and teaches me from these discussions.

3. I consider it a blessing to not have fear about my finances. I consider it an enormous blessing not to dread losing the blessings of God. I consider it a blessing so large I cannot contain to say, with full confidence, that my God has and will provide for my needs and the needs of those I love. I consider it a spiritual responsibility to rebuke the fear-mongering that is going on about our economy, the markets etc. Back in the day (not that long ago, I’m reminded) when I had NOTHING God provided Just Enough Just In Time-every time (I even made up an acronym for that–JEJIT that I would chant every time He came through for me. I did a lot of chanting). I will not cling to the blessing as if it is life, His Word is my life.

4. I consider my health a blessing. And further, I’m working on my attitude about maintaining health. Rather than “having to” and “missing out” and “deprivation” I am changing my thoughts to “get to” and “enjoying this” and focusing on the long term benefits. I’m dropping the legalism in diet and exercise in favor of progress not perfection.  I know I’m making progress when I allow myself what I would’ve called a “cheat” and I don’t feel guilty. (I did feel GROSS, like I had just polluted my entire system…but not an ounce of guilt. Huzzah!)

5. I consider it an humongous blessing to be able to give something or do something for other people. Seriously, this is my love language–acts of service. Almost to a fault–I will literally serve the people I love until I am exhausted! I get really cranky when I am that tired, but hey! I did it for YOU! Nevertheless–all of these acts from the creative to the mundane–I consider a joy to do. FOR REAL. (kids, you still have to do your chores, though–and I’m not sorry about that)

What’s your list?

Oh look, another week has gone by with nary a post from me. What is up with my erratic blog behavior?

I have many excuses, it’s true. There was a holiday, a road trip, and the ever expanding workload at my “real job.” But, that’s just not good enough. Everyone had a holiday, probably places to go and people to see. Everyone’s workload is rapidly expanding, whether they work outside the home or not. I’m not particularly special in that regard. Ya know?

The basic rundown on this blog is that I’m searching for direction and focus. Where once upon a time, I was VERY focused on one particular topic (shout out to my recovery peeps!), these days I have the blog equivalent of ADHD. I know of a very excellent Bible based behavior modification program that I could use to overcome this issue, this unhealthy lack of focus. But I admit, I’m a little out of touch with the side of me that thrived in that environment. I’m not sure if that is a good thing, because I believe a broken spirit is a teachable spirit. Am I still teachable if I don’t feel quite so desperately broken?

But please, do not get the idea that I am 100% well and have arrived at spiritual and psychological nirvana. I’m still very much the basket case I’ve always been–I think I’ve just learned to cope with it better in many ways.  Sometimes. Not always. And in those times when I am not coping well, I have found myself preferring to either wallow in silence in those darkened corners OR just throw it down again in front of my God.

Which begs the question–was this blog my interim step between those two options? Did I wallow, then blog and then in the process of blogging figure out exactly what it was that needed throwing down?

YES. And no.

You see how my brain is working these days?

But God is cooking up some interesting things in my near future.  Until He directs me to work those interesting things out here, all I can ask is that you (all three of you!) be patient with me. Prayer warriors, I would be honored if you lifted this humble blog up, and me as a person striving to realign herself to what she knows God wants her busy doing, even though this other business is also very important. And since my form of “The Crazy” doesn’t seem to be going away for good, if you would, please pray that I just keep throwing it down, and pressing on to the good things He promises.

Trivial factoid: The first thing I generally want to type in any post is the word “Dude!” Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude. I have no idea why I’ve begun to use this word as an introduction to anything I say, but there it is. Perhaps by admitting it in a public forum will be the first step toward overcoming the problem? Of course. Of course.

That said, I know of no other way to emphasize how much Jon over at Stuff Christians Like gets to me every Wednesday (his one “serious post” of the week)! It seems so wildly appropriate to say “Duuuude, check this post out!”

Hopefully, you’re not like me. Hopefully you see that when God gave us His two greatest commands, love Him and love others as much as we love ourselves, He didn’t say, unless you live in a fallen world. There was no caveat that gave us the freedom to give less than love if the world we’re living in is less than perfect. If anything, a fallen world is a world that needs love the most.

I think I needed to hear that entire post, beginning to end.

There is no poverty, injustice, evil, downright unfairness in the world that can’t be dismissed with the “fallen world” shrug. And I’m guilty of that as much as the next person. But if yesterday’s prayer for my heart to stay raw enough for God to effect long lasting change is answered…the the fallen world shrug-off should be as much a thing of the past as the Duuude introduction. It should be banished along with the empty promises of “I’ll pray for you” and other phrases that we utter that typically don’t mean a lot.

This  may be one of those things that feels like a giant step up for me that other people mastered right after conversion, I don’t know. What I do know is that asking God for a raw heart, one that breaks when His does, is asking for a fallen world of hurt. And pain is something that I’ve tried for several years to master and overcome. Of course, the difference is that I’ve focused my pain therapy on my own life–working through the hurts, habits, and hangups that plague ME. So this is a total shift in paradigm for me. Opening myself up, completely, without reservation to the pain around rather than in me.

This ought to be interesting, considering my co-dependent habits. But I betcha God’s got something in mind for that too.

Eirene,

Jen