I’ve been thinking alot lately about what breaks me down. Not dwelling on it, reveling in it kind of way…rather as a self-awareness exercise. What makes me so tired that I can’t even think of going on? What burdens me so heavily that I feel I can’t lift my limbs? And more importantly, how to shake off the reliance on self that I suffer so seriously? How to put that down and rely on the grace of my God to get through each and every day?

Does it ALWAYS have to be a conscious decision? Can I not grow in Christ to the point where that becomes second nature?

Face it folks, everywhere we turn in this fallen world there is suffering at various levels. My temporary physical discomforts, my over-inflated sense of responsibility (OK, let’s just call that spade Co-Dependency and be done with it), my mental and emotional issues all pale in comparison to some very real suffering going on out there.

But does that make my problems any less important or less in need of grace than the other more scarier, more severe problems in the world? No. Not really. But I’m getting sidetracked.  Whether or not we judge anyone and everyone’s issues on some sort of “relative to World Crisis” scale, suffering feels bad. It wears us down, wears us out and makes us weak.

Except when it doesn’t.  There are times when suffering does something to us that can’t be done any other way. There are times that even though our knees are weak, and our hearts are so heavy they rest in the pit of our stomach, that the only way out is to endure it, relying on every spiritual blessing that comes from above (Ephesians 1:3). To put on our spiritual armor and having done everything to stand our ground, continue to stand (Ephesians 6:10).

The result of such times becomes refinement. We learn that our earthly armor isn’t worth the effort it takes to put in on (defensive mechanisms, anger, strife) and in fact destroys more than it builds. When we trade for the full armor…truth, righteousness, faith, salvation and the Spirit of God… this is the space where chaff is burned off, our thoughts are sifted and taken captive when needed, our hearts burn inside of us with faith and resolve. This is where we grow in trust and dependency on God.

I know of several people right now at the end of their rope with the situations they are living through. To them I say… let your heart BURN in faith. This is not in vain. As contrary to how we feel right now let us rejoice in our sufferings so that they will bring about the desired result: patience, perseverance, increased faith and a testimony to share with those behind us on the journey (Romans 5:4-5, 1 Peter 4:13).

Let’s face these things fully decked out with what God has already provided. Let’s stop making it about us, and lets give Him room to display what it is He is trying to show us or through us. Let’s drop the “Why Me?” in favor of “Look at Him!” Let’s resolve in our gut not to fall for these old tricks of the enemy…let our faith rise rather than falter.

If I can stubbornly cling to a decision that puts me in charge, I can just as easily stubbornly cling to a decision that keeps me out of the way and keeps God in charge.

Eirene,

Jen

Anyone else have this problem? Every time I hit a “mad season” where I’m spinning left and right I start coming up with MORE little projects that I want to do! And because they are new and fun, I am far more motivated to work on those than the 50 other things I have going on.

Latest distraction? Video Camera. The hard drive is full, time to start deciding what to keep, what to trash etc. Storage space is limited, so there are some wrenches in the process.

But that’s not YOUR problem, is it? You came for the cute, right?

She was sitting there, and wanted to see herself as I was filming, so I turned the camera display around. Hee. I love the sound effects!

Also, check out this face:

If only she would stay still like this more often!

Oh hi!

We have been hitting the streets going full speed ahead for the past couple of weeks. Weekends have been busy too so no time for the normal “catch up” activities. It’s hard for me to keep all of my plates spinning when we mess with my normal routine like that. And of course, there is that infernal “sleep or write” struggle that I go through every morning.

Today is kinda a big deal for me at work. The kind of thing that I spent too much time anxious over and not enough real time preparing for…but it is what it is and I’m sure in the end it will be just dandy. The anxiety stems from this ridiculous sinus-allergy headache I’ve had since Saturday and whether or not I will be in top form or communicating like the overly medicated moron I tend to turn into during sinus season.

Other than that, Percussion season is winding down just as Soccer season is gearing up. Practices every day of the week for the boy, much needed since he missed the fall season due to my lack of diligence. I’m still working on the logistics of picking up and dropping off two kids on opposite sides of the county at the same time. Thank God for friends with children who have the same interests. That’s all I’m saying.

What else? Financial Peace University is also winding down, which is a good and a bad thing. On the one hand, I’ve decided to take a break from teaching next semester which will give me an opportunity to rest, absorb, and otherwise catch a breather. On the other hand, I won’t be teaching and that leaves a bit of a void. Maybe more time to write? MAYBE?

If you are in a praying mood, my sinuses would appreciate a mention. As would several health concerns in my circle of family and friends. Just mention me and mine receiving a big old blanket of blessing and I’m sure our Heavenly Father will know where to place His hands. I need energy, grace and wisdom…always.

And peace. For us all.

Jen

“Christians sometimes try to assess how they or others are doing on the basis of such things as how successfully they conquer a particular sin, how much prayer and Bible study they do, how regularly they attend and give to church, and so forth. But rarely do we honestly ask the question that Scripture places at the center of everything: Are we growing in our capacity to love all people? Do we have an increasing love for our sisters and brothers in Christ as well as for those whom Christ died who are yet outside the Church? Are we increasing in our capacity to ascribe worth to people whom society judges to have no worth?
-Gregory Boyd, Repenting of Religion

An increased capacity to love is the center of everything.  I am convicted by this passage because I do the “how I am doing spiritually” test based on my practices of spiritual disciplines. Am I in the Word? Do I have a rich prayer life? Am I participating in the corporate worship experience and ministering to those around me? Then I must be spot on…right?

Kinda right. Here’s the mistake that I’ve made, and maybe you have too. I somehow can disconnect these two principles… my capacity to love and practicing spiritual disciplines…as if they are mutually exclusive. I make the mistake of thinking that if all I have to do is love everyone, then I don’t really have to do this other stuff. Or if I am going through the motions of these activities, it doesn’t really matter if my heart and soul is into it.

But they are directly related, for me anyway. My capacity to love others, to ascribe worth to all based on the value God places on them, and to do so in a pure response to His love for me rather than out of obligation or some misplaced sense of duty, is directly proportional to how diligently I am practicing my spiritual disciplines.

Am I the only one?

This book is really challenging me in ways “worldly Jen”  wishes it wouldn’t. Very similar to the Love Dare in that respect. And the most dominating revelation so far between the two has been how legalistic I’ve become in my relationship with Him, and others. Everything seems to be one big If-Then statement to me, as if I don’t understand Grace.

So much left to learn. So much work left for Him to do on me.

Do not repay evil for evil or insult with insult, but with a blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
1 Peter 3:9 (NIV)

So this time around, I’m jumping on the Beth Moore bandwagon and memorizing the same scripture she’s doing. Go read her excellent discussion of the word “blessing.” (it’s about halfway down the post)

But the thing that really got me about this verse was the note in my Bible which directed me to read Romans 12:17-21:

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,”says the Lord. On the contrary:
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. That means your husband and preschooler. Your teenagers and that one annoying guy at work. Your girlfriends and your mother.

Yeah, about that…

The word peace in Romans is the verb form of Eirene. MAKE peace with people. Create peace in your relationships. Find a way to be working toward peace with those people who stir up strife, anxiety, or aggravation. As far as it depends on you, blanket your actions and reactions with peace so that the kind word will weigh in heavier than the sarcastic, hurtful or downright mean thing that was said.

That is how we overcome evil with good, yes?

The other thought about 1 Peter 3:9 was how it exactly reflects the character of Christ. When he was being spit on, insulted and beaten before his crucifiction, we did not see him react to this with evil or insult. Instead, what did he say about his attackers? “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.”

And all we have to do to display this aspect of Christ’s character, to receive the infinite blessing associated with walking in peace with all men, is to speak kindness to others. To speak positive to and about those that insult us.

If you are like me, you just thought of that one individual in your life that no matter how hard you try to live at peace with, they continue to make your life as miserable as they can. God knew that some people can have such hardened hearts toward us that no amount of peacemaking on our part will help the situation. But we are called to do it anyway. As far as it is up to me, I’m to repay evil and insult with blessing. Well, no matter what is done to me, I still have the power to choose my words carefully. I still have the option of filtering my speech through the “is it true, kind and edifying” filter.

No matter the bad that is said about me or done to me, don’t I have the free will to choose what I say and how I act?

Tall orders, I know. Skeptics might even say they are impossible to keep. But I have an idea that the blessing I am to inherit is worth all of the effort.

WAY worth it.